In the meantime, and to keep the blog at "read-on-the-loo" kind of length, here is a brief summary of some of the other stuffs I have done!
FL No 26: Dye my hair (or a piece thereof) some extreme colour - like pink or blue or purple or some such
So I didn't go as extreme as I had originally planned. I am the fundraiser for a children's charity and have to bear this in mind. Although something we celebrate loudly and often is difference and individuality, rocking up at a meeting with bright pink hair could jeopardise potential funding. I went plum. Not sure how much I like it, but it has already faded to a reddish brown colour so it will do. For now.
FL No 13: Go to an outdoor music festival
FL No 13: Go to an outdoor music festival
I have booked tickets to Rocking the Daisies - so stoked! This means that I will be able to cross this one off my list ..... ok so it's only in October, but I am a slightly anal type of person (stop nodding) and are most happy when I prepare in advance!
The thing about this, however, is that I will be camping again! Twice in one year! Yoh! Although I am pushing very hard to book into the Heartbreak Motel - which is camping, but the sort of camping where they do all the shit for you, includes breakfast and private ablution facilities etc. Totally my sort of camping! Anyway, I am working on that one!
FL No 61 (new addition): Go to Sexpo
Sexpo has been happening in Cape Town for a few years and we always seem to miss it. It HAD to go on my list!! I hopped on the preparedness bus (yes, again) and bought tickets through Groupon - nogal at half price. I took the bare essentials and packed them into my biggest bag, leaving enough room for taking home all the stuff I planned to procure at the expo!
It was somewhat of a disappointment though, I won't lie. It was like a big vibrator warehouse really - just loads and loads of toys and not a whole lot else. No man painting landscape scenes with his penis, or pole dancing lessons or that sort of interesting thing.
We did witness the worst male dance "review" (read stripshow) ever - it was really, really bad. Instead of it being provocative and interesting we were rolling with laughter! They were nowhere close to synchronised, and kept having wardrobe malfunctions. The hypnotist however was hysterical!! It is part of human nature, isn't it, that we love to watch other people make tits (haha) out of themselves.
You could have your picture taken with a guy dressed as a dick and another guy dressed as a dick with boobs. Huh? There was body painting, and an opportunity to have your pic taken with an (alleged) porn star. There were free vodka and tequila tasters to give you the necessary courage to enter behind the black curtained areas. And, for an extra R40 or R80 (depending on your lifestyle choices) you could gain entry into the private lounge areas.
One thing which really tickled my fancy (more haha) was that, for a mere R500, you could have a plaster cast of your fanny made. You know, as a back up just in case! I have two thoughts on this (ok more than two, but two that I will share): firstly, how awkward would it be while you were lying there, legs in the air, waiting for the plaster to set. According to Google, it takes between 20 and 30 minutes for the stuff to set properly. Seriaaaas! And then, secondly, what then? Once you have your fanny immortalised in plaster, what the hell do you do with it? Use it is a paper weight? Put it on your mantelpiece next to the pottery the kids brought home from preschool? Can u imagine the comments? "Gosh Mabel, where did you get that plaster cast of a mohawk wearing oyster?" Oi vey!!
Then it came to the toys. Fascinating things. There were the usual run of the mill type toys and then there were things which you looked at and thought "holy crap in a bucket, how the hell does that work and where the hell does it fit?" And did you know that loads of vibrators are now made with a USB recharge function! 'Excuse me dear, please remove your flashdrive, I need to plug my dolphin in for a charge" (!!!!). And the sex industry has gone green! True story! There is a vibrator you can buy which is solar charged! You put the little solar panel in the sun, leave it for a while and off you go (or get)! So pay attention peeps - save your planet, only use solar powered sex toys!
.jpg)
FL No 17: Tattoo
Still trying to stuff my pennies into the piggy's tummy - but it is going slowly ..... I need to concentrate and stop spending my money on unnecessary things like rates and taxes!
The thing about this, however, is that I will be camping again! Twice in one year! Yoh! Although I am pushing very hard to book into the Heartbreak Motel - which is camping, but the sort of camping where they do all the shit for you, includes breakfast and private ablution facilities etc. Totally my sort of camping! Anyway, I am working on that one!
FL No 61 (new addition): Go to Sexpo
Sexpo has been happening in Cape Town for a few years and we always seem to miss it. It HAD to go on my list!! I hopped on the preparedness bus (yes, again) and bought tickets through Groupon - nogal at half price. I took the bare essentials and packed them into my biggest bag, leaving enough room for taking home all the stuff I planned to procure at the expo!
It was somewhat of a disappointment though, I won't lie. It was like a big vibrator warehouse really - just loads and loads of toys and not a whole lot else. No man painting landscape scenes with his penis, or pole dancing lessons or that sort of interesting thing.
We did witness the worst male dance "review" (read stripshow) ever - it was really, really bad. Instead of it being provocative and interesting we were rolling with laughter! They were nowhere close to synchronised, and kept having wardrobe malfunctions. The hypnotist however was hysterical!! It is part of human nature, isn't it, that we love to watch other people make tits (haha) out of themselves.
You could have your picture taken with a guy dressed as a dick and another guy dressed as a dick with boobs. Huh? There was body painting, and an opportunity to have your pic taken with an (alleged) porn star. There were free vodka and tequila tasters to give you the necessary courage to enter behind the black curtained areas. And, for an extra R40 or R80 (depending on your lifestyle choices) you could gain entry into the private lounge areas.
One thing which really tickled my fancy (more haha) was that, for a mere R500, you could have a plaster cast of your fanny made. You know, as a back up just in case! I have two thoughts on this (ok more than two, but two that I will share): firstly, how awkward would it be while you were lying there, legs in the air, waiting for the plaster to set. According to Google, it takes between 20 and 30 minutes for the stuff to set properly. Seriaaaas! And then, secondly, what then? Once you have your fanny immortalised in plaster, what the hell do you do with it? Use it is a paper weight? Put it on your mantelpiece next to the pottery the kids brought home from preschool? Can u imagine the comments? "Gosh Mabel, where did you get that plaster cast of a mohawk wearing oyster?" Oi vey!!
Then it came to the toys. Fascinating things. There were the usual run of the mill type toys and then there were things which you looked at and thought "holy crap in a bucket, how the hell does that work and where the hell does it fit?" And did you know that loads of vibrators are now made with a USB recharge function! 'Excuse me dear, please remove your flashdrive, I need to plug my dolphin in for a charge" (!!!!). And the sex industry has gone green! True story! There is a vibrator you can buy which is solar charged! You put the little solar panel in the sun, leave it for a while and off you go (or get)! So pay attention peeps - save your planet, only use solar powered sex toys!
.jpg)
FL No 17: Tattoo
Still trying to stuff my pennies into the piggy's tummy - but it is going slowly ..... I need to concentrate and stop spending my money on unnecessary things like rates and taxes!
FL No 11: Going an entire day without swearing
Monday, I got to about 06h32 (training with Divine causes unexpected outbursts of profanity).
Tuesday, I got to about when I hit the N1. Slowly. With a silly cow in front of me putting on her makeup.
Wednesday, I made it all the way in to work, but put my bag down on my desk and got so excited about a story I wanted to share that I forgot not to swear.
Thursday, Again made it to work, and it all fell apart.
.jpg)
Damn this is hard people. There followed Friday, Saturday and Sunday filled with profanity. Monday came around and, even with renewed vigour and enthusiasm, I only made it as far as halfway through training again. Shitty pigsticks! Maybe if I am sedated for an entire day, I might cross this bastard off the list!
And on that delightfully classy note, I will leave you to your cornflakes and continue on my road to world domination .... I mean LIST domination! ;)
T
x
T
x
You're a great writer. Really enjoying the fucket list. Hopefully you're enjoying experiencing it as much or more than we are reading it. Can't wait for the next installment.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much!! That means a huge amount! x
ReplyDelete